So I was talking with a friend earlier today about my hubby's blog, and so I went looking at it again (the earlier posts, not the most current entry). I read his testimony, which as his wife, I've read a bazillion times before and been touched by a bazillion times before. However, as always, it's amazing to me how incredible our God is, and how great my CC can be when he needs to write about something he feels led to share. With that, I leave you with his very first blog entry ever...
My life is marked by bold and audacious statements. So itâ€™s fitting that I should start with this one. â€œI have undeniable proof that God exists and that Heâ€™s still in the business of miracles.â€ Pretty bold and audacious donâ€™t you think? Well, hereâ€™s the proof.
When I was five years old, I was sitting in our basement with my mom and baby brother. There was a tornado warning and where I lived, if a tornado is coming the sky turns green. Let me assure you, the sky was a pale shade of green that day. My older brother and dad were at church and I was worried about them.
In retrospect, I believe that that was the first time I truly contemplated death. Are my dad and brother safe? Are we safe? What if a tornado comes? Those are the questions I remember running through my five year old mind. At that point I just started crying. My mom asked me why I was crying. I responded that I didnâ€™t know.
Are you scared? No. Are you hungry? No. Are you tired? No. Do you want to ask Jesus in your heart? Yes.
Whoa! Whereâ€™d that come from? That is what my mom really asked me, completely out of the blue. (Sounds pretty miraculous to me by the way.)
I believe that at that moment, God was calling out to me. I realized that I could die. I wanted to be sure I was going to heaven. More than that, I realized for the first time that I didnâ€™t want to go through life alone. I knew I had done bad things and that I would in the future, but I knew that God loved me and would forgive me. I wanted Him to be with me forever. So on that day the God of the universe stepped into my life and took up residence in my heart. (Again, pretty miraculous.)
Well, for about the next 10 years I grew up. That process included God. I didnâ€™t get into trouble much. I wasnâ€™t a bad kid. God saved me from a lot of hardships and heartaches that result from disobedience and rebellion as a child. However, while God was important, He wasnâ€™t the most important thing. I didnâ€™t really understand what it meant for God to be on the throne of my life.
The summer before my eighth grade year my dad announced to us that we would be moving. I wasnâ€™t too happy about that. I had family and friends that I loved where I was and didnâ€™t want to leave. Of course we moved anyway. A week later, I fell and broke both my arms. Two days after that I started a new school where I knew absolutely no one. As if that wasnâ€™t hard enough, a few months later my grandma died and it hit me pretty hard.
I had no friends. I hated my school, my church, the city I lived in, and pretty much everything about my life. I remember crying myself to sleep at night asking God, â€œWhy? Why? Why?â€. My belief and faith in God was not challenged, but my trust was. This is where the next bold and audacious statement comes in. I stated to myself this: â€œthe God and Creator of the universe is not trustworthy.â€ (Now thatâ€™s bold and audacious.)
Well, letâ€™s just say that God decided to show me otherwise. You see, God is the epitome of the bold and audacious so if a statement is to be made, it will be made by Him.
My sophomore year in high school I found out that I had nerve damage to my left eye that caused a little blurry vision for me. Well, that in and of itself isnâ€™t really a big deal. The big deal is what caused that nerve damage. I was diagnosed with a tumor on my pituitary gland. It had been pressing on my optic nerve and causing that damage. The doctors said the tumor was most likely not cancerous, but that it would have to be removed with surgery.
As soon as I received the news I began to be overwhelmed. I believe that at that moment I had a crucial decision to make. I could cling to my doubts about God, or I could hope beyond hope that God really was who He said He is.
I chose to trust God.
I told God that this was too much for me to bear alone and that I needed Him. (Kinda reminiscent of a prayer I prayed as a five year old, huh?) I told Him that I had to take all of my worries and lay them at His feet. The moment I did that, Godâ€™s peace entered my heart. And trust me, itâ€™s as good as they say it is.
You see as I went through several months of MRIâ€™s, surgery, needles, hospital stays, and radiation treatments I experienced peace. I have never in my life been more peaceful and content. When you fully trust God with your life even the hardest of times are filled with joy and contentment.
Three miraculous healings occurred during this time. Not only did my eyesight in the damaged eye improve, but the radiation treatments actually shrunk what remained of my tumor after surgery - both of which the doctors said were impossible. Most importantly, my trust in God was healed. I started to understand what it meant to place God higher than anything else and began to see my need for God to be in control of my life. I made yet another bold and audacious statement: â€œIn the midst of utter chaos, fear, doubt, pain, and grief, God can give you a peace and let you be joyful, and content.â€
My life really started to blossom. I had friends, I loved my youth group at church, school was great. Most importantly I was growing in my relationship with God. I was learning what it meant to walk with God. What it meant to seek God in earnest.
I was also learning academically. I was learning that I was talented with computers. I was learning that I could make a lot of money at that. I was learning that surely God gave me those talents so that I could live financially secure and not have to worry about money. Basically I was learning to make another one of those bold and audacious statements: â€œI know what God gifted me at, why He gifted me at it, what He wants me to do with it, where He wants me to do it, and there is no chance that He wants me to do anything else. It all makes sense to me.â€
A couple years ago when I was sharing this most marvelous statement with someone at a college retreat, little did I know that half an hour later God would replace that statement with one of His own. When a lady got up to talk, little did she know that God would use her to speak directly to the depths of my soul. The statement that struck deep was this: â€œWhat would the disciples have missed if they would have stayed with their nets?â€ (Ok, I know itâ€™s a question, but itâ€™s rhetorical so itâ€™s close enough to a statement.)
You see the disciples were great at what they did. They were great fishermen, or tax collectors, or doctors, etc. . Not only did God gift them at it, but they excelled at it. In the end, God had some things COMPLETELY different in store for those 12 men, things that werenâ€™t necessarily what God had gifted them at.
I realized that in my own life, just because God has gifted me at something, doesnâ€™t necessarily mean that thatâ€™s the end of the story. I do believe that God has gifted us for reasons and that He wants us to use those gifts. Iâ€™m not saying that we should ignore our giftings. Iâ€™m saying that we should be open to whatever God has for us. That may mean that we have to leave our nets behind. We may have to leave what weâ€™re comfortable with. We may have to do things we never thought we would be able to do. The point is that we have to go where God leads.
For me this statement has changed the way I live my life. I really started to question what I was doing and most importantly why. I took some time to see if I was where God really wanted me to be. I feel that I was doing what he wanted, but my whole attitude and motives have changed.
In response to Godâ€™s challenge, I took a bold step and spent a summer in the country of Bosnia. That required putting down my nets and following God elsewhere. It was an amazing summer. I fell in love with missions and that part of the world. I donâ€™t know if God is calling me there, but I do know that I am open and willing to go if He chooses to. I would not have been 4 years ago. (That is a miracle.)
One final miracle. When I began to become aware of the other sex, I looked at myself and all I saw was someone who wasnâ€™t good looking, who wasnâ€™t funny enough, who wasnâ€™t really desirable. I always wondered if Iâ€™d find someone for me.
However, when I was a senior in high school I went out on a date with the prettiest girl I had ever known. She was kind, gentle, sweet, and beautiful. I couldnâ€™t believe that someone like that would have the slightest interest in dating someone like me. I thought that she must be crazy. Little did I know that she would be the person I will spend the rest of my life with. Miracles happen.
Iâ€™ll end with the statement I began with: â€œI have undeniable proof that God exists and that Heâ€™s still in the business of miracles.â€ You see the proof is me. The miracle is my life. When the world and even Christians say that God doesnâ€™t really do miracles anymore, we forget to look around us. We donâ€™t see all the miracles sitting next to us in church, at home, and anywhere else there are those whoâ€™s lives have been radically, no MIRACULOUSLY, changed by God.
Often times we need look no further than the reflection in the mirrorâ€¦